C. S. Lewis' advice to children on writing is good advice to anybody.

• Always try to use the language so as to make quite clear what you mean and make sure your sentence couldn't mean anything else.


• Always prefer the clean direct word to the long, vague one.


• Don't implement promises, but keep them.


• Never use abstract nouns when concrete ones will do. If you mean "More people died" don't say "Mortality rose."


• In writing, don't use adjectives which merely tell us how you want us to feel about the things you are describing. I mean, instead of telling us the thing is "terrible," describe it so that we'll be terrified. Don't say it was "delightful"; make us say "delightful" when we've read the description. You see, all those words (horrifying, wonderful, hideous, exquisite) are only like saying to your readers "Please, will you do my job for me."


• Don't use words too big for the subject. Don't say "infinitely" when you mean "very"; otherwise you'll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite.

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SterlingHouse Publisher seeks submissions for C W Guild

SterlingHouse Publisher Inc. is currently seeking both fiction and non-fiction submissions for publication.We are looking to fill our non-fiction imprints in the following categories:. Self-help. True Stories. Inspirational. How-to. Health/Fitness. Business. True Crime. Autobiographies. Biographies. Memoirs. General Reference. Spirituality. Metaphysics. Paranormal. Astrology. Palmistry. Tarot. Religion. Young-adult . They are looking to fill fiction imprints under the following categories:. Suspense. Thriller. Espionage. Mystery. Detective. Supernatural. Horror. Ghost stories (including collections of short ghost stories)

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CONTESTS -- CONTESTS AND MORE CONTESTS

ANDERBO POETRY PRIZE http://www.anderbo.com/anderbo1/anderprize2008.html---$10 ENTRY FEE For up to six unpublished poems. $500 prize and publication.Six poems per poet. Deadline November 1, 2008. Poet must not have been previously published on anderbo.com.
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RROFIHE TROPHY http://www.opencity.org/rrofihe.html---$10 ENTRY FEEFor an unpublished short story up to 5,000 words. Winner receives $500, trophy and publication in Open City. Deadline September 15, 2008.
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MALAHAT REVIEW CREATIVE NONFICTION PRIZE http://web.uvic.ca/malahat/creative_non-fiction_prize/info.html---ENTRY FEE$35 CAD for Canadian entries; $40 US for American entries; $45 US for entries from Mexico and outside North America. The Malahat Review, Canada's premier literary magazine, invites entries from Canadian, American, and overseas authors for its Creative Non-Fiction Prize. One award of $500 CAD is given, plus payment at the rate of $40 CAD per printed page upon publication. Deadline August 1, 2008. The entry must be between 2,000 and 3,000 words.
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ONTARIO REVIEW NONFICTION PRIZE http://www.ontarioreviewpress.com/or_main_pages/or_short_prize.html---ENTRY FEE $25, which includes one-year subscription to Ontario Review. $1,000 plus publication. Submissions accepted from May 1 to September 1, 2008. Submissions limited to one story of not more than twenty-five double-spaced typewritten pages.
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ROOM MAGAZINE ANNUAL FICTION, POETRY AND CREATIVE NONFICTION CONTEST http://www.roommagazine.com/news.html#contest08---ENTRY FEE: $27 per entry (includes a complimentary one-year subscription to Room). Payment by cheque or money order made out to Room. Non-Canadian entries: $39 Canadian dollars.Prizes: 1st prize in each category - $500, 2nd prize - $250. Winners will be published in a 2009 issue of Room. Other manuscripts may be published. Poetry: max. 3 poems or 150 lines.Fiction: max. 4,000 words.
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GLFA VIDEO COMPETITION http://www.greatlakesfilm.org/GLFA%20Video%20Competition/2008%20Video%20Competition.htm---Fees and Deadlines:$10 if postmarked by April 5, 2008 (U.S. Currency only)$12 if postmarked by June 28, 2008 (U.S. Currency only)$15 if postmarked by August 9, 2008 (U.S. Currency only)$30 if postmarked by September 6, 2008 (U.S. Currency only)
Pull out your video cameras, cell phones, animation tools and whatever inspires you. The Great Lakes Film Association is proud to announce the call for entries for our first annual Online Video Competition. We're looking for moments in time that capture "life" as you see it of all genres and any subject matter including music. One Grand Prize Winner will include cash award of $500 and the winning video will be forwarded to agents and industry professionals for consideration.Top 10 finalists will be given exposure film studios and Hollywood producers.
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GREAT LAKES FILM ASSOCIATION SCRIPTWRITING COMPETITION http://www.greatlakesfilm.org/Scriptwriting.htm---ENTRY FEE $15-$65Will accept all forms of religious, Christian, and spiritual scripts including African, African American, Gay/Lesbian, Black, Hispanic, Islamic, Latino and Native/Aboriginal from the United States and around the world. Prizes for the winning script will include cash award of $500. The winning script will be forwarded to agents and industry professionals for consideration. Top 10 finalists will be given exposure to literary agencies, film studios and Hollywood producers. Final deadline September 27, 2008.
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GREAT LAKES FILM ASSOCIATION STORYBOARD COMPETITION http://www.greatlakesfilm.org/Storyboard%20Competition/Storyboard%20Competition.htm---ENTRY FEE $20-$25.A storyboard visually conveys the plot and action of a scene, shot, whole film or a commercial. Storyboards are graphic organizers such as a series of illustrations or images displayed in sequence for the purpose of previsualizing a motion graphic or interactive media sequence, including website interactivity. The competition judges will be looking for skills in the development and communication of a strong, innovative, well-realized idea and technique and less about beautifully rendered storyboards. Storyboards can be in color or monochrome. They must be no more than 20 frames in length. Prizes for the winning Storyboard will include cash award of $500.
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HORROR SCREENPLAY CONTEST http://www.screenplaycontests.com/horror/---$35 ENTRY FEE -- Deadline July 15, 2008. First Place $1,000 cash prize and submission to a minimum of 10 film studios/producers/agents/managers. Second Place $250 cash prize and submission to a minimum of 5 film studios/producers/agents/managers. Third Place Final Draft software. Screenplays must be between 90 - 125 pages.
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ECOTONE EVOLUTION POETRY CONTEST http://www.ecotonejournal.com/index.html---$15 ENTRY FEE Entries should creatively reflect the subject of evolution. $1,000 grand prize, plus a limited-edition chapbook, and publication in Ecotone's 2009 Evolution issue. $15 fee includes a one-year subscription. Deadline: August 1, 2008. We are looking for bold interpretations about a theory that has radically altered the experience of being human: What does it mean to share our DNA with other animals? What are the consequences of our diminishing biodiversity? Why have political lines hardened around an issue so rooted in science?
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Are Your Ready?

The Ability to make and understand Puns is the highest level of language development. But the lowest form of humor

Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest:

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The flight attendant looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it immediately sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies 'Yes, I'm positive.'

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.'But why?', they asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said,' I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'

7. A woman has identical twins and is forced to give them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're identical twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent Florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate veryl ittle, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

And finally,

10. There was the person who sent ten different puns to friends with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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